Born July 28th, 2010. 8lbs, 14oz. Healthy and gorgeous, with all 10 fingers and toes. And she’s ours!

How it all happened: Today at about 4pm we got a call from our social worker telling us that there was an “instant baby” born yesterday. This means that the birth mother hadn’t contacted the agency until after the baby was born. We agreed to show her our family book, and about two hours later, she’d picked us and we were on our way to the hospital. We meet her birth mom and family and got to hold her. Man, did I mention she’s gorgeous? We don’t get to bring her home until Saturday, but we’ll get to spend all day tomorrow with her at the hospital. We’re very much in shock and so happy!

More later when things have calmed down a bit. As of right now, it’s 2:00 AM and this is how we feel:

Dear friends and family,

Hello! We’re writing now for two reasons:

1. To give everyone a brief update on the status of our adoption
2. More importantly, we need just 15 minutes of your day to help us get $12,000 for the adoption. Seriously, no joke.

Status update

As you know, we are currently in the process of adopting our first child. We started in the Spring of 2007, and have been hoping and waiting ever since. We experienced a major setback when Vietnam closed their doors to American adoptive families. We quickly rebounded and moved on to domestic (aka American) adoption. We apparently have terrible luck since domestic adoptions have slowed dramatically in the last year, and there is still no end in sight as we enter year four of our journey.

So basically our status update is “everything is the same as it has been for the last year and a half.” Kind of anticlimactic, we know. People often ask “what’s going on with the adoption?” Here it is: we’re simply waiting to be matched with a birthmother. No more, no less. There is just a major shortage of birthmothers which is causing the long wait.

15 minutes of your day

We are hoping that 2010 will be the year that we become parents. Three years is a long time, and we are worn out with waiting. But more importantly, 2010 is the last year that adoptive families will be eligible for the Adoption Tax Credit. This is a tax credit given to adoptive families after they have completed an adoption. It currently covers costs up to $12,000. Considering that our adoption bill will add up to somewhere near $25,000 when it’s all said and done, the tax credit is basically our financial lifeline. Unfortunately, if we don’t complete an adoption by December 31st, 2010, we may not be able to take advantage of the credit. Without the credit, completing our adoption will be extremely difficult, and perhaps impossible.

Fortunately, there are two bills in the House and Senate – H.R. 213 and S2816 – that will reinstate the credit if passed. If you would like to help not only us, but thousands of families and children throughout the country, we’re asking that you take just a few minutes to contact your Senators and Congressmen and let them know that you support these bills.

We’ve been informed that e-mail or telephone are the best way to let our reps know that you support the bill. Snail-mail tends to take a long time and often doesn’t even make it to the right people. Don’t worry, we’ve made it ridiculously easy. Please follow these steps:

Easy Peasy

1. Copy the pre-written letter of support from this Web site:

   http://adoptiontaxcredit.wetpaint.com/page/Letter+or+Phone+Call+Script+to+Representive+from+Adoption+Supporter

2. Go to the contact Web pages for your representatives:
   http://www.contactingthecongress.org/
3. For each representative: paste in the pre-written letter, edit the letter to add your name (both in the first sentence, and the sign-off!), and click send
4. Done! The entire process should take no more than 15 minutes and means the world to us.

Thank you for all your love and support throughout this process. We can’t wait to send you the e-mail letting you know we’ve completed our journey!

Thank you,
Kate and Joel

P.S.
For the law nerds, here is more info on the bills:
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=s111-2816
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h111-213

Well, this is not a happy post to write. It has officially been one year since we entered the waiting family pool at our agency, and it feels like we are starting to prune up. We knew that it could easily be a year before we were matched with a birthmother, but we were hopeful that it would not take that long.

Unlike our Vietnam disaster, nothing is shutting down. Things are still working, just painfully slowly. Our agency is doing what they know how to do to get all of their families matched, but the fact of the matter is there are not very many birthmothers and there are a lot of waiting families. In the past year we have not seen nearly as many birthmother profiles as we thought we would. Along with a general shortage of women choosing adoption for their child, we have chosen not to show our family book to some women because it just didn’t feel like a good fit for us. We have shown to probably 8 women in the past year, none of whom decided to work with us. And while we are happy for the families that were matched this year, we are feeling pretty blue about the whole situation.

We have not lost hope, we will eventually bring our child home. It is just taking so much longer than we ever imagined it would. We are ready to bring our child home now, but we have not found them yet. Here’s hoping our next blog entry will bring happy news.

We’ve shown our book to 2 expectant mothers so far, and neither one chose us to parent their child. We were officially “in the pool” in early July, that puts us at about 6 months in right now. So if we are consistent with the agency’s timeline of 3-12 months to be matched, we should find our birth mother within the next 6 months.

We are constantly feeling a strange mix of excitement, anticipation, hope, confusion, and disappointment. What a wild journey this has been so far! We are still feeling optimistic most of the time and are looking forward to meeting our mystery child. We’re also very anxious to know when it will actually happen.

I want to thank all of you who inquire about our progress and have given us support through this whole crazy thing. Here’s to good news in ’09!

For the last several months our cat, Gary, has been the worst cat ever. He has been jumping on counters, swatting at us, scratching on the couch, running around like an idiot, yowling at 4 am, and being overly needy and annoying. This may sound like normal cat behavior to you dog folks out there, but in reality Gary is a pretty cool kitty. He is a bit needier than the average cat, but he is extremely well behaved and mellow.  He knows what surfaces are his to jump on and which aren’t; he is quiet when we sleep, and usually only talks when he’s hungry; he never scratches the furniture, only his post. We couldn’t figure out what was going on, it was really quite disturbing to us.  Then, the behavior stopped abruptly, he was good old good Gary again. Why the sudden change? Was he sick? Was it the weather change? And then we figured it out, Gary had been reacting to his people’s stress, our adoption stress. And now we aren’t feeling that any more, and neither is he.  Why, you may ask, has our stress level gone down? We are feeling good about our baby again.

We have made the shift towards anticipating a different and mysterious little person who will soon complete our family. There are so many great things to look forward to. We get to meet this person’s biological mother, that is really cool. We’ll know what she looks like and talks like, we’ll be able to answer all of those tough “where did I come from” questions. We will potentially be at the hospital when this little creature is born! That wasn’t even a remote possibility before. We’ll be bringing home a newborn rather than a 6-9 month old, which means we’ll get to experience all those wonderful changes that happen in those first important months. And most of all, we are feeling confident for the first time that our child, whoever she or he may be, will finally be coming home to us.

Joel and I have been much happier people the last month or so. I put that all down to one word, hope. We have spent a long time without it, and now that it’s back we are ecstatic.  So, much thanks to our soon to be child, for giving your mom and dad hope again.

_{(photo by itsallinfun, cc)}

What does “paper pregnant” and “in the pool” mean? It means that Kate and I will now be shown to birthmothers for consideration to adopt their child. This is the closest thing us adopters get to being pregnant, so feel free to yell out a “yippee” or two!

The “pool” in this case is the figurative pool of other adoptive parents. Kate and I have expressed certain preferences (health of birthmother/child, level of openness, etc.) to our agency, as have the birthmothers. Our agency plots these preferences and matches an adoptive couple and a birthmother based on as many similarities as is possible. This means we won’t be shown to every single birthmother, but I was told by our social worker that (paraphrasing) “After seeing your family book, I can say you are very, very attractive to birthmothers.” Go us!

Our gestation period is a bit off. How off? Kate and I could be matched anywhere from 1 hour to 14 months from now. Yeah, that helps with planning Generally speaking, our agency shows Family Books to birthmothers around month 7 of pregnancy. The hope is that the birthmother has been working with the agency for many months up to this point. The agency has found 7 months to be a good time to give adoptive parents some lead time, but mostly to make sure the birthmother’s plans are solidified to minimize the chance of a changed mind at the last minute. The birthmother may still change her mind at the hospital and decide to keep the baby, there’s nothing anyone can really do about that. “That would suck” is an understatement, but percentage-wise this is in the minority. Once the birthmother signs the release forms, the adoption is iron clad and there is basically nothing that can be done to reverse custody. Kate and I have the State of Oregon to thank for the adoptive parent protection. Thanks Oregon! Of course, the hope is that everything goes smoothly and both parties will be 100% satisfied with their decision

Kate and I will most likely have a month or two notice before the child arrives. However, that is all best case scenario stuff. There is the chance that they’ll call with a match for a baby that is being born in a day or in a week. The agency also have what they humorously call “instant babies”. An instant baby is when the agency gets a call from a Hospital with a mother that has decided on the spot to not keep her baby. When that happens, the agency makes a mad dash to find an adoptive couple. Wild.

For the first time in our adoption process, Kate and I have nothing more to do! We are simply thrilled to be at this point. As Kate says; we’ve been waiting over a year, so that we can officially begin waiting. I guess it’s time for Kate to start knitting booties!

We started out making decisions about what the most important things in our lives were.  We settled on; our relationship, us as individuals, our families, and our close friends.  This settled, we began the great search for photographs depicting all of these things in the best light.  Most of our photos are digitized, so this wasn’t too difficult.  We also dug into our family and friends’ stashes.  The search for the best photos took about two weeks.Our biggest challenge was finding photos of Joel.  He is behind the camera 90% of the time.  We managed to get enough after much searching.  Having a photographer in the family means lots to sort through   I, as token English teacher in the house, was in charge of the birthmother letter and captions.  Joel, as token graphics designer in the house, was in charge of layout.  One might look at these qualifications and say that we had it in the bag.  Not that easy.

We wanted to make sure that everyone was similarly represented, that we had serious and crazy times, that we showed the full gamut of our lives. We spent the majority of two full days on the task.  After several versions and updates, the first draft is complete and we’ve sent it off to our social worker today.  Phew!

She gave us a little advice and her seal of approval, we’ll be ready to print up a few copies of the book and send them to the agency by the end of the week, then we’re in the pool!

We had a brief scare a couple of weeks ago. Our social worker had previously told us we could go into the waiting parent pool before we took the mandatory adoption class.  About 3 weeks later we got an e-mail telling us that she’d changed her mind and wanted us to wait until after the class, which would have set us back another two months. Thankfully Joel was able to convince her that that was not the best decision for us and we can now hop into the pool as soon as our family book is done and take the class in mid-August. But really, this was considerably less stressful than anything we went through with the first round of adoption attempts. And thank goodness for that.

We are still working on the book. Now that I am done with school for the year (yipee!!!!!) I can go to work in earnest and get our “Dear Birthmother” letter written, and Joel and I can settle on which photos will go into the family book. We’re hoping to be finished with the book by the end of the month. It will be so nice to be in the final stages of waiting. We’ve been working for over a year to be waiting. What a strange thing to want!

Thanks for checking in. I’m going to try to post at least once every couple of weeks, more if things start to get exciting

Sorry for the lack of writing, but here is a quick update on our progress.

We had what we’re calling our “Mini-Home Study” on May 7th. Our previous agency was able to give us our entire dossier back because we hadn’t gotten to the point where it had been sent over to Vietnam yet. So along with all of our medicals and fingerprints, we also got our home study. Our current agency was able to use that to create a new home study for us, so we didn’t have to go through all the rigmarole again. Woo Hoo!

However, our social worker did want to come over to the house and fill in a few holes that weren’t in the Vietnam home study. It was pretty much the same as the first one, except with a lot fewer questions and a very different social worker. She is very laid-back and conversational. It’s nice and calming.

The next step puts the ball in our court. We are in the process of creating our family book. The family book is a scrapbook that showcases us as a family (thank you Captain Obvious!). It begins with a Dear Birthmother letter. This is a letter from us to the expectant mothers who are also working with our agency and talks a little bit about us and our journey to adoption. Then there are pages of photos showing us as a couple, our families both immediate and extended, our social group, and us as individuals. The goal of the book is to give expectant mothers a look into our lives so that they have a better idea of who we are and whether they want to place their baby with us. Once the book is finished and turned into the agency we will be in the pool of waiting families and are officially “Paper Pregnant”! So here’s hoping for quick publishing!