(photo by SuperFantastic, cc)
Well, this is not a happy post to write. It has officially been one year since we entered the waiting family pool at our agency, and it feels like we are starting to prune up. We knew that it could easily be a year before we were matched with a birthmother, but we were hopeful that it would not take that long.
Unlike our Vietnam disaster, nothing is shutting down. Things are still working, just painfully slowly. Our agency is doing what they know how to do to get all of their families matched, but the fact of the matter is there are not very many birthmothers and there are a lot of waiting families. In the past year we have not seen nearly as many birthmother profiles as we thought we would. Along with a general shortage of women choosing adoption for their child, we have chosen not to show our family book to some women because it just didn’t feel like a good fit for us. We have shown to probably 8 women in the past year, none of whom decided to work with us. And while we are happy for the families that were matched this year, we are feeling pretty blue about the whole situation.
We have not lost hope, we will eventually bring our child home. It is just taking so much longer than we ever imagined it would. We are ready to bring our child home now, but we have not found them yet. Here’s hoping our next blog entry will bring happy news.
I just found your blog as I was looking for stories of adoptive parents. My husband and I (in PA) are in the same place you are–almost a year into the waiting process with no beginning in sight. It’s frustrating to field questions from those very loving people who can’t wait for you to get your baby. I find myself wanting to tell them that they will hear us shout from the rooftops when we finally get THE CALL. Until then…well, thanks for your concern.
I’m impressed by the lack of bitterness in your blog, although I’m sure there’s enough of it somewhere. Best of luck in the waiting and the placement.
Hi Kate!
I’m a Mummy in the making, from Germany.
I just want to tell you that there’s nothing different in Germany, so many adoption parents but even not so many children. We are waiting too!
Don’t give up! we get the chance to bring our baby home.
All the best, Mo, from Germany
@Chantel: Thank you for your comment. I actually wrote this comment back in December and somehow forgot to post it until now (March!); my apologies. I always enjoy reading about people who are in the same situation as myself, not that I’m a sadist or anything 😉 My wife and I try to share the bitterness only with our close confidants. There’s enough negativity on A) the Web and B) the adoptive parent community that we don’t need to add to it. But as you rightly inferred, we have plenty of bitterness at the ready, should we need it. Regarding the “support” our loved ones give us … what a funny situation to be in?! It’s like a small child that wants to help clean up the house but inadvertently makes more of a mess in the process. But of course it all springs from love, so that’s how we process it. My responses generally follow this format. THEM: “So, any news on the adoption?” ME: “Trust me, we’ll let you know.” Most people tend to get the point after that.